Maya turned 12 weeks this past Thursday ... and for those of you who live in the USA you know what that means. It means that my paid maternity leave is over. For those of you in Canada .. I KNOW!!!! 12 wweeks! how insanely short for a maternity leave, right? Well, 12 weeks paid is actually a good ''deal' here in the USA. As a Canadian it really feels like priorities are a bit whacked here :)
In any case - yes - my paid leave is over. But I am not going back to work. After much discussion and soul-searching, we have decided I will take at least 4 more weeks off. This was not an easy decision ... and has many facets.
First, I love Maya and I know that this time with her is precious ... and I will never get this time back.
Additionally, her tummy still is not settled though it is getting progressively better. I hate the thought of her crying and not being able to comfort her. Daycare has 2 other kids in the infant room who also need attention - we started working with them(did 2 days last week, up to 3 hrs in a row) and they will work with us to gradually increase her time there as her tummy improves. They were very glad after Thursday (she did not have a great day) that the ramp is gradual :)
At the same time, I am eager to get back to work ... at least some days. Some days I am too exhausted to even think about work. Other days, when I get 4 hrs of sleep in a row and Maya has a decent night, my mind is searching for something to keep it occupied - something other than learning baby sign language and new things to do with and teach Maya :)
I also feel a huge amount of pressure to return to work - career pressure. My job is high pressure and highly competitive. Admittedly a lot of this pressure comes from me :)
Days like today, where her tummy is pretty upset and she cries out in pain every time I put her down, make me confident in my decision. Other days, when she has a good day (I can nap her on something other than me) I wonder if I am doing enough for her, and if it is the right thing. I am guessing a lot of working moms go thru this with their little ones - especially at 12 weeks, and especially when they have tummy issues.
In the end, even though I feel pulled in many directions, I KNOW this is the right place for me, for now. I also know that when I am 60 I won't be regretting the few months of work that I missed ;-)
