Eeek ... back to work already!

Yes. It's true. Today was my first day!!! I procrastinated writing this post for quite a while .. I think mostly because I didn't quite feel ready to return to work :)

So how was my first day? It was mixed :) I learned a few things:
1. It is easier to pump at a time that will make me late for a meeting rather than leaving a meeting early. Leaving a meeting early seems impossible.
2. I don't have to pump as often as Maya eats - she eats every 2 hours - today I got away with pumping every 4 hours
3. Maya is totally exhausted after 8 hours at daycare. She has been sleeping since 5:45 (it's 7:16 now) ... while I know she needs her sleep, I miss her and am half tempted to let Emily wake her up (Emily wants to play with her ;-))

Other things I already knew like:
- Taking time to pump is going to be hard and I have to be hardcore to ensure it happens
- I miss Maya like crazy, but am also happy to be back in the office
- Yes, I am *that* mom, I called to check in. But only once :)
- Nothing is as urgent as it felt when I left. Nothing compares to the stress of an infant in pain ...
- Nothing really changed :)

So ... yup ... back to work and desperately trying to figure out a good work/family/sport balance while Maya still wakes to eat every 2 hours :$

Yes, I left early. And I plan to leave early for a while :)

On the up side, came home to a wonderful meal ... yes, the food fairies visited today ... even Apple Pie for dessert! I am so thankful that the Kellers have adopted me :)

Getting snuggles while I can ... how I spent my last few days with Maya

Cutie pie

Morning Smiles

Afternoon giggles

Maya is on the move!

I know, I know ... all parents say this ... but it's true! Maya is growing SO fast!  I can't believe she is 15 weeks now! in two weeks she will be 4 months!

She can roll over now, has found her thumb, is very verbal about what she does not like - and pushes/bats things away she does not want, does a half-sit up when you lay her down and she does not want to lay down ... it is just amazing to see her personality and her skills develop!

Unfortunately some of her 'skills' have gone backwards ... she no longer sleeps  4 hours in a row :( It's back to eating every 2 hours - but still she will sleep on her wedge, rock 'n' play, or bed .... which is better than a person :) 

Speaking of backwards ... this girl can scoot ever so slowly backwards on her tummy now - and can rotate in circles while on her tummy :) That one is funny to watch ;-)  She also does a thing I call 'back crawling'. While on her back she uses the plank pose (really! she digs in her deals and lifts up her bum) to push herself either backwards or forwards, depending on what she wants. All this moving around makes diaper changes entertaining ... She is not one you can leave anywhere but the floor safely anymore :)

She's also into chewing and drooling - I thought that phase was a few months out, but man, she loves to chew and suck on anything and everything .. and drool .... bibs are part of her regular attire now :)

oh, and speaking of "on the move", I have learned to nurse while wearing her in the bjorn ... makes family outings much easier.  She really likes it - the upright position is good for her reflux :)

She is pretty strong and really good at holding herself up - has a really strong core, so you have to hold on to her pretty tight :)

She still loves to sing! 

yup, found her thumb!

Taking more time with Maya

It has taken me a while to write this post ... mostly because I wasn't sure what to write. So finally I am just writing ...

Maya turned 12 weeks this past Thursday ... and for those of you who live in the USA you know what that means. It means that my paid maternity leave is over. For those of you in Canada .. I KNOW!!!! 12 wweeks! how insanely short for a maternity leave, right? Well, 12 weeks paid is actually a good ''deal' here in the USA.  As a Canadian it really feels like priorities are a bit whacked here :)

In any case - yes - my paid leave is over. But I am not going back to work. After much discussion and soul-searching, we have decided I will take at least 4 more weeks off. This was not an easy decision ... and has many facets.

First, I love Maya and I know that this time with her is precious ... and I will never get this time back.

Additionally, her tummy still is not settled though it is getting progressively better. I hate the thought of her crying and not being able to comfort her. Daycare has 2 other kids in the infant room who also need attention - we started working with them(did 2 days last week, up to 3 hrs in a row) and they will work with us to gradually increase her time there as her tummy improves. They were very glad after Thursday (she did not have a great day) that the ramp is gradual :)

At the same time, I am eager to get back to work ... at least some days.  Some days I am too exhausted to even think about work. Other days, when I get 4 hrs of sleep in a row and Maya has a decent night, my mind is searching for something to keep it occupied - something other than learning baby sign language and new things to do with and teach Maya :)

I also feel a huge amount of pressure to return to work - career pressure. My job is high pressure and highly competitive. Admittedly a lot of this pressure comes from me :)

Days like today, where her tummy is pretty upset and she cries out in pain every time I put her down, make me confident in my decision. Other days, when she has a good day (I can nap her on something other than me) I wonder if I am doing enough for her, and if it is the right thing.  I am guessing a lot of working moms go thru this with their little ones - especially at 12 weeks, and especially when they have tummy issues.

In the end, even though I feel pulled in many directions, I KNOW this is the right place for me, for now.  I also know that when I am 60 I won't be regretting the few months of work that I missed ;-)